All fathers must figure in the lives of children

Over the years I’ve spoken with friends, family and colleagues about the subject of absent fathers.

Everyone of course has had very different experiences but that ‘feeling of absence’ is the same.

The effects can be seen from early years, to where and how that child positions themselves in the household, to how the child responds to male figures of authority, for example in schools. How that child makes choices to then having relationships and their own children.

I believe the absence relates to your feelings regarding the relationship between you and your father. So just because you see your father it doesn’t mean he’s not absent. He can be an emotionally absent father.

What’s sad is some fathers may not even realise they are absent.

The emotionally absent father may provide for his family but lacks that support, the hugs, the kisses the ‘how’s your day been?’.

There’s that old school expectation that mom can handle that “softer side” of love.

Or there’s the occasional father. I feel this can be the worst. Imagine the rollercoaster of now you see him, now you don’t, not sure when he’s popping back up.

Consistency and routine is key and should only be broken in unavoidable or agreed situations that won’t effect the child. This can be the earliest memory of being let down and feeling unwanted. Stay involved, technology is on our side to help.

Some absent fathers made that decision, it could be completely selfish, out of fear or they may have been pushed away. Whatever the reason, the fact is they are no longer around. This could go either way causing anger, resentment, a void or a commitment to succeed in life.

It’s not always down to the father. We do have fathers who are trying their hardest to not be absent and in some situations mothers have made this difficult.

I completely understand if there are safeguarding issues. But decisions must be based on what the child needs not on how you feel.

According to national statistics, there is a high percentage of young people resorting to crime who come from a single parent home. This is the unfortunate truth of one of the worst side effects of an absent father.

I’ve spoken with men who have resulted to a life of crime and nine times out of 10 it’s to provide, to be the man of house etc.

I’m not condoning this or saying it’s justifiable but it's their longing for a father’s direction.

Relationships we have or don’t have and how we feel about them, can lead to mental health issues.

Absent fathers as a probable cause is often overlooked but look at society to see the impact is huge.

I want to talk about it, to raise awareness so we make the right decisions to leave a positive impact in our children’s lives.

Check out a film I made on YouTube during my time at YMCA ‘Talent Match Black Country Absent Fathers’.

I’m ending on this note - it’s better to be remembered for being present than absent.

During this festive season - a time for family, laughing and petty disagreements about Theresa May or Kanye West - let’s encourage everyone to do more and stay consistent.

• Sharlie is a Wolverhampton community activist