Express & Star

Mark Andrews on Saturday: You’re no spinach eater!

WE’RE in the middle of a knife-crime epidemic. Burglary has been practically decriminalised, and we read of police suggesting victims do their own detective work by looking for their possessions on eBay.

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You’re no spinach eater!

Meanwhile, Sandwell councillor Bob Piper is being investigated for a ‘hate crime’ after muttering ‘sieg heil’ at a member of a far-right political group. Not the most mature response for a political leader, admittedly. But a police matter? Really?

Now, of course, it is right and proper that the law protects those who suffer genuine violence and intimidation because of their ethnicity, disability, or whatever. That is what the law is for.

But this obsession with ‘hate crimes’, which half the time appear to be little more than bad manners, is getting well and truly out of hand. A poster in my local library suggests a hate crime could be “anything that is offensive to your family.” I guess mother-in-law jokes are out of the question, then. Even vegans are now demanding protection. And sure enough, those Popeye cartoons do portray an outdated image of spinach eaters.

But if it is now a crime to be a little bit rude to right-wing extremists, we have well and truly lost the plot.

LET’S say this was not the most rewarding retail experience. Last week I found myself, late at night, keying a combination code into a locker on a petrol station forecourt in what, according to this newspaper, is Wolverhampton’s newest red-light district. Which, I suppose, shows one area of the city’s economy is booming.

The reason I was there was to collect a small, round tablecloth for a telephone table, the sort of thing which just a few years ago you could easily find on the high street. But having spent a Saturday traipsing in vain through all the obvious shops, an online purchase seemed the only answer.

With hindsight, I could have tried Beatties. But parking in Wolverhampton is such a bind these days, with pedestrianisation, pay-and-display charges and traffic wardens dressed up like the Red Army. It’s too much just for a tablecloth.

But how have we got to the stage where our towns cannot supply even the most basic items? Last week saw the closure of Dudley’s only good shoe shop, and the main men’s outfitters in the town is also about to bite the dust. How can you have a major town where you struggle to buy a suit or pair of shoes?

West Midlands Mayor Andy Street has a new scheme to breathe new life into the centres of Bilston, Dudley and Walsall, and I hope with all my heart he succeeds. But when I hear talk of ‘arts spaces’, ‘community hubs’, and ‘start-up spaces’, my heart sinks. It sounds for all the world like the Portas Pilot schemes of a few years ago, which spectacularly failed to make any difference to Wolverhampton.

I firmly believe most people would, given the choice, prefer to use a proper shop where one can see what they are buying, and take it home straight away, rather than collect it from a locker in a dubious location. The problem is the rates and planning systems are stacked against this.

We need to reform business rates so it is cheaper to open a town-centre shop than a distribution centre in the sticks. But we also need to recognise modern retailers don’t want cramped 1950s shops in pedestrianised zones. They want giant, warehouse style, units with free parking.

Half-baked visions of arts spaces, street cafes and pop-up shops are not the answer. We need to bring our planning laws into the 21st century.