Cathy Stanworth: Being single has so many benefits

He joins in with “That one’s 90 per cent nose. That one would beat you up on your first date.”

Having become single last summer, I had recently fallen into the trap of “just looking” at the possibility of online dating. I had stupidly given a few details on the first page of a site, decided NOT to look into it any further, or, God forbid join up, but it transpires I hadn’t escaped Scot-free. They think they’ve got me by the tail, (they haven’t), and are trying to get me assimilated into the Borg of the internet dating community, by trying to encourage me to open a profile.

My response to this is a big fat “NO” thanks. That’s not for me. All I see when I look at the male faces is “stranger danger”.

So, while many of you are looking forward to all the romance and joy of celebrating Valentine’s Day next week, I find that I couldn’t be less interested.

Now in my early 50s (very early 50s I must stress!), I cannot, at present, raise much excitement about the world of lurve.

As for internet dating, I’ve been there, done that. It finally did work and it looked like it was to be the happy-ever-after we are all brain-washed into thinking we need and want. But I can no longer bring myself to give the time or rustle up the enthusiasm to trawl through, to be honest, what was to become last time, a forest of fools, before I met “the one” who is sadly “now gone”. I currently describe my love life as being completely non-existent, with just the odd tumbleweed blowing past, and that, for now, is fine by me.

Before it all ended in tears, myself and my ex had a great time, and I experienced years of being Valentine’s Day’ed to death, happily enjoying being quite frankly over-the-top spoilt with flowers, dinners, gifts and cards (with even the odd romantic poem slipped inside).

As well as not being bothered to put the effort in now, I am also aware of the perils of online dating. We all know that people lie on their dating profiles. And, if a woman has an online dating presence then some men think she is up for everything, straight away. You have to avoid an increasing amount of scammers; you can become over-picky and judgmental, and seasoned online daters realise, that if one relationship doesn’t work out, they can just quickly move on and pop back on again, for yet another tour of the candy store.

I recently read a magazine feature about a growing new trend affecting single women in their 50s – and quickly recognised myself. We happen to LIKE living alone, LIKE having our own space, LIKE being able to do what we want, when we want, and LIKE being financially independent.

Researchers report that older women are rejecting the downsides of the live-in relationship: the co-dependence, the daily tension within close quarters, and the sacrifices made keeping a home, care-giving and doing the emotional legwork to keep their unions happily moving along. Some are giving up on dating all together, while others opt for “living apart together”, which I am all in favour of.

This is in contrast to another article that reported that a majority of older men want to live with their new partners. Perhaps this is because they want their cooking, cleaning and ironing done, and someone to pick up their dirty socks and sopping wet towels? (Before I get complaint letters, I am only joking here . . . I am sure, if you men really tried, you could pick your wet towel off the bathroom floor, and even fold it to put it back on the towel rail).

So, back to the magazine feature. It said that the benefits of women living alone include that doing what you want, when you want, without being restricted by anybody, is a big luxury. You’ll gain an independent routine, which is good for your health. Without a significant other to laze around with, you are less likely to skip that yoga class or Saturday morning run, so can get fitter.

You can develop your own hobbies and interests, enjoy your friendships, decorate your own home as you want, cook meals you enjoy and watch what you like on the box! You can travel where you want to go, and put more effort into your career.

Finally you’ll be able to get a better nights’ sleep, as there is no-one to snore the other awake or disturb by tossing and turning all night.

So I am doing just that; making the effort to spend more time with my sons and socialising with my friends, both current and new, as well as re-connecting with old ones. I am planning breaks away with friends and family, and renovation projects for my home.

Of course, it would be nice to meet someone new at some point, but it would have to happen naturally, and, better still, with someone who others I know, know and trust.

In the meantime, myself and my friend can keep looking at the daily choice, even if it’s just for fun. “Who’s on the merry-go-round today?” he asks. “I tell you what, we’ll look, but I just won’t touch. Ok?”