Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on losing broadband, product placement and a comical challenge for Corbyn

Read today's column from Peter Rhodes.

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Time for a joke, Jeremy?

AFTER the sun, the rain. I am reminded of a hot spell many years ago when a features editor asked me to write a piece: "Is Britain Burning?" A week later he suggested, in view of the changing weather, I might re-jig it as "Is Britain Drowning?"

LOVE him or hate him, no-one can deny that Boris Johnson is entertaining. Over the past three years, we'd forgotten how sparky Prime Minister's Questions could be. The days of Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn chucking clumsy, half-baked insults are over. Last week Johnson deployed the deadliest political weapon - humour. He was funny, confident and agile, leaving Corbyn floundering. You cannot fight Boris Johnson using boring statistics and glum earnestness. You have to get up on the stage and match him, gag for gag. Which must be a daunting prospect for Corbyn who has probably never told a joke in his life.

JACOB Rees-Mogg, once unkindly dubbed the Honourable Member for the 18th Century, is now Leader of the House and, like a stern teacher, has issued some rules of grammar for his staff. The list includes: "Organisations are singular." Ah, if only it were so simple.

IN newspaper offices, arguments have been raging for years over whether "the council is" or "the council are." And even when the "organisations are singular" rule is imposed rigidly, it depends what you call an organisation. There are always exceptions, notably sports teams and pop groups. Whatever Rees-Mogg may tell his underlings, Queen were wonderful, Coldplay are wonderful and while England (the country) is great, England (the cricket team) are great.

ON the day Boris was promising superfast broadband for all, my snail-speed router was knocked out by lightning. When this happened a few years ago, BT sent an engineer to fit a new hub and charged me £119. This time, a lady in India ran a line check, diagnosed a fried router and sent a new one. No engineer, no charge. I still don't understand why, in a country like ours with so many storms, broadband is not lightning-proof. I worry, too, that not everybody, on receiving a router, will be able to install and programme it with the correct password. There is a casual assumption these days that all the world is computer-savvy. The truth is that millions of folk don't even understand the TV remote control.

PRODUCT placement is the advertiser's art of slipping the clients' products into a TV or movie scene. Those Apple computers and Ford Mustangs in US telly dramas don't appear by accident. Now, has product placement arrived at Buckingham Palace? You couldn't help noticing in that historic image of Boris Johnson bowing low to kiss the Queen's hand, a hi-tech Dyson cooling fan in the background. You can't buy advertising exposure like that. Or maybe you can.

ANYWAY, Her Majesty is now well away from the commercial pressures of London, enjoying her annual summer holiday in her beloved Scottish retreat, Samsung Balmoral.