Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on a teenage army in Brum, yet another Brexit theory and the automation of the law

Read today's column from Peter Rhodes

Published
James Charles - mobbed

HERE'S a puzzle. The Tories are riven in two and wobbling all over the place about Brexit. So why is Jeremy Corbyn so grumpy? He should be skipping merrily out of his front door, not snarling "no comment" at the media outside.

THE Duke of Edinburgh claims he was dazzled by the sun before his car crash near Sandringham. These days, in such circumstances, it is almost impossible to avoid a charge of driving without due care and attention. But it was not always so.

A RETIRED traffic cop (remember them?) tells me of nicking a motorist with an excellent driving record who had collided with a parked car. His defence was that he had been blinded by the glare of the sun on a wet road. He'd reduced his speed but failed to see the car. He was duly reported for careless driving. But the next day, the cops who had pulled him in were using the same section of road in the same conditions. They, too, were instantly blinded by the sun. They reported this to their sergeant and the prosecution was dropped. In today's automated-justice, with fixed penalties and £100-a-time driver-awareness courses, the system takes less account of individual circumstances. And as they automate the system, they alienate the public.

NO, I'd never heard of James Charles. Not until the weekend when 8,000 fans of this beautiful, gender-fluid internet star mobbed him in Birmingham and brought the city centre to a standstill. I cannot begin to explain why teenage girls scream and shout at a 19-year-old gay man who is an expert on make-up but, hey, that's youth. More alarming is that this event seems to have caught the authorities by surprise. While the cops no doubt monitor the social-media websites of race-hate and football gangs to defuse riots, they seem to have entirely missed the gathering of 8,000 James Charles fans. If it's this easy to use social media to bring chaos to a city centre by mobilising an army of 8,000 mascara enthusiasts, without anyone spotting the gathering storm, what other sort of army might be mobilised? Let's hope somebody is learning lessons.

I REFERRED a few days ago to the conspiracy theory that the European Union is a step on the road towards global government, the ultimate target of the Illuminati, the secret sect which actually runs this world. If that seems too unlikely, here's a smaller theory. This is the one which says the entire Brexit process is mere pantomime. Behind the posturing and play-acting, the real aim is to get the UK out of the EU for a short time, then re-apply for membership as a proper, full member with open borders, no rebates and the pound instantly replaced by the euro. Got to be something in it, innit?

I HAD barely written yesterday's item on the perils of predictive text (octopus = October, etc) than a reader emailed to tell me: "I am on an all inclusive holiday in Gran Canadian at the moment." I bet you're not.