Mark Andrews on Saturday: Since when has coffee been a treat?

Well I suppose one follows the other. Spend all your wages on kebabs, and you’re going to need bigger clothes.

But ‘treats such as coffee?’ Since when has coffee been a treat? You really have to wonder what is going on with kids today. The pubs are all deserted while twentysomethings sit around in faux-American cafe chains paying £5 for a skinny latte with a smiley face on the top. And then there’s the walking about with bottled water. What’s all that about?

Take a tip from somebody who knows about these things. Get yourself down to the shops and buy a jar of Tesco Classic instant. It knocks all that barista nonsense into a cocked hat, and you can make 111 cups for £1.99.

As for the water, I don’t know what it’s like in London, but up here in the Black Country we’ve now got these gadgets in our homes that dispense water, free of charge, any time you want. Taps, I think they’re called.

VISIT England this week announced its ‘Attraction Accolades’ for 2018. Which you might think is a bit after the lord mayor’s show two months into 2019, but still, better late than never.

The 72 attractions singled out for awards include Dudley Canal Trust, the National Memorial Arboretum at Alrewas, and Hartlebury Castle, and I’m sure these are all well deserved. But what about Dudley Zoo, the Black Country Living Museum, West Midland Safari Park, the Severn Valley Railway? Do none of these warrant a mention? Of the 16 attractions in the West Midlands receiving awards, seven of them were from Birmingham. Which seems rather a lot, given that Birmingham accounts for just 19 per cent of the West Midlands.

Of course, Visit England is a London-based organisation. And as anyone in the Big Smoke knows, everywhere between Milton Keynes and Stoke is part of Birmingham.

IT seems the saga of Isis bride Shamima Begum will run for a while after she was stripped of her British citizenship. Her lawyers claim the decision will leave her stateless.

I think I have the answer, although we would need some help from our friends in New Zealand.

The Antipodes are a small cluster of uninhabited volcanic islands in the Pacific Ocean, known for extreme cold weather, winds, and a high mortality rate among people foolish enough to visit. Couldn’t New Zealand, which has sovereignty of the islands, donate one to Islamic State for its homeland?

We could then recognise IS citizenship, and deport all its members to the Antipodes where they can all live in peace and harmony, unhindered by those dreadful infidels.

Failing that, there’s always Chernobyl.

YOU wouldn’t think there’s much left for the global warming lobby to ban, but you have to take your hat off to their ingenuity in thinking up new ideas.

Latest proposal from the Committee on Climate Change says new homes built from 2025 should not be connected to the gas grid, putting paid to gas central heating and cookers.

Of course, it’s another case of ‘do as I say, not as I do’, as committee chairman Chris Stark has a gas boiler in his flat. His home is too difficult to convert, apparently.

But why ban gas central heating?.After all, if the temperature is rising as rapidly as they say, we’re not going to use it much, are we?